TL;DR post

I haven't written about anything moderately serious in my last couple of entries (however long ago they were), but a thought struck me today (while I was in the shower, but that's an entirely separate barrel of fish) and I felt the need to "write" it down somewhere. And seeing as this is a surrogate journal for me... well, you get the picture.

KIDS: PROCREATION VERSUS ADOPTION

I had a conversation the other day with a dude about children, if I wanted them or not, which was really what sparked this whole thought process, and I happened to think back on it today.

Here's the thing: I don't see myself as a mother. I can't. I simply can't fathom the idea of being responsible for another human being's life. Maybe later on, sure, I may love the idea of having kids. But honestly, I'll be 19 in less than a week; I'm too young to be thinking about those sort of things. And it's a little scary and unnerving to hear some of my friends talk about it and all things encompassing it: marriage, the wedding itself, the number of kids, the name of them, what they would look like etc. I was never the girl to plan my dream wedding and perfect future family. But I digress. The point about this is children. And it struck me: no one ever mentioned how they would have kids. Would it be their own flesh and blood or would they adopt? And I, myself, attempted to tackle this situation in an unbiased fashion.

Adoption, to me, seems like the most fair and logical path, basing this only reason alone. You (and perhaps your significant other) want a child for which to love, care, and smother with happiness. There is a child out there who needs a home, needs that love. Easy math. Having kids of your own almost seems selfish, narcissistic. It's like you want your child, your actual genetic offspring. A mirror of half yourself. Then there's the whole fairness, feminist take on it. A woman going through all the pain of birth hardly seems comparable to the man who shot sperm inside of her, no?

But then again, having a child of your own, creating life, that is a beautiful thing. There is an underlying, instantaneous bond existing at first breath which truly cannot be replicated despite how much you love a child you adopted. It is man's finest work; every child is beautiful to those who conceive him or her. And isn't that the point of existence? To procreate and extend the lifetime of our species?

And then there's pulling an Angelina and doing both. That's a no-no to me. It's not fair to kids, IMO. The adopted child(ren) may think you don't love him/her as much, and your biological child(ren) may think that you're giving the other(s) more attention simply because he/she is adopted. There's the chance that this doesn't happen, but there's also the chance it does.

In my opinion, I'm too young to think about these things, but if I were to choose right now between procreation and adoption to have a child, I would adopt. If my future significant other would want to have our own child in the biological sense, though, I would be fine with that, too. I'm a tad ambivalent. I assume that later on if I want kids, I want kids. Method is not a concern.

It's strange, though. My mom thought the same thing. She didn't mind adopting, but my dad wanted a kid he genetically connected to, technically speaking. And here I am. This takes this discussion to a philosophical sense. What would everyone with whom I'd ever come in contact, be like today? Who would be the person in place of me now?

Then again, who would the hypothetical person my child would grow up to be if I choose not to adopt? The guy who I had the conversation which got me on this topic in the first place had mentioned if we had kids, they would probably look Asian (considering I'm full Asian and people have said he looks Asian despite him being Latino). Looks aside, those would probably end up being some smart kids: we're both honor students in the engineering school of our university. So, what would I be denying the world if I decided to adopt? On the flip side, what would I be saving the world from if I decided to adopt?

Something to mull over before heading to bed. A subject that is too complicated to think for someone who is too young to get her head in.