Say It Ain't So (as sung by Weezer)

I think a little bit of me died today. Panic(!) at the Disco (I'm attached to the "!" but there is rumor of it coming back?? *fingers crossed*) is officially split in half. Brendon and Spencer are sticking it out while Ryan and Jon are off on a different (musical) career path. I almost feel ridiculous for feeling this way, but I don't think I can help it. What with all the official messages from the band members themselves, there is a dull ache within me, and I'm not trying to be melodramatic. Explanation as to why? Might as well...

I whole-heartedly admit that in the earlier years of my middle school career, I was trying to "fit-in"; I did not want to be embarrased because I wanted to be different. I wouldn't say I was in the "popular crowd" because I don't think those existed at our school, but I will say that I was in that main group of girls that everyone in our grade knew. I didn't care to be in it or not, but I was and didn't want to be judged. I tried to dress similar, I listened to the same music, and I went out on the weekends with them and watched movies that, to be honest, I had little interest in.
And then I found something for myself.
Watching MTV and TRL (when it was still alive and well), I saw music videos for My Chemical Romance's "Helena," Fall Out Boy's "Sugar, We're Going Down," and Panic! at the Disco's "I Write Sins Not Tragedies." Three bands, three songs. Different from the norm of mainstream, yet still making it big at some point. It wasn't sudden, it wasn't like a flick of a switch, but at some point after seeing them and listening to them, I found myself not caring what others thought and doing things I wanted to do. Indirectly, they taught me to be myself, that it's okay to be different. Cliche as it may be, I probably wouldn't be the same person today without them.

And to hear about Panic's split breaks my heart.

Best of luck to Ryan and Jon, who will undoubtedly be successful if they play their cards right, and best of luck to Brendon and Spencer, who carry on Panic's legacy, if you will. Maybe they'll ressurect the "!" who knows? I'll be following both parties and will hopefully not be disappointed.

Being Sentimental is Underrated

Have you ever kept little, near-meaningless knick-knacks, notes, or letters? Ever told yourself that you will have no use for it and throw it out? Ever thought someone who did that was being stupid? The answers should hopefully be the following: yes, no, of course not. If they weren't you're truly missing out on something.

I was cleaning parts of my room today --shocker, I know-- and found a couple cards (birthday, holiday, get well, etc.) and notes from months and years back. And being the weird, never-can-let-anything-go kind of person I am, I read them. I guess I'm a sucker because I had a smile etched on my face for the entire time I spent reading. I'm not on the greatest terms with one of my best friends at the moment. A complete betrayal of trust in my eyes. Forgiven, but not forgotten and definitely back to square one of that trust level. It was something so trivial which makes the whole trust thing escalate. But he's on the other side of the world for the time being. Anyway, he wrote me a Christmas card despite his being Jewish (but he spends Christmas with my family regardless XP). It reminded me why we're such amazing friends. It reminded me of how lucky I am. It reminded me that no matter how many fights we get in, how many times I get frustrated or angry with him, how many times we will both make mistakes, we will always have that bond and friendship. Yes, I am being an incredibly big block of cheeeeeese right now, but I could care less. Because I have made some of the greatest relationships I could ever ask for.

Moral of this post: Don't throw the little things away. They serve as reminders for what you may forget. And on a side note, don't always be the man behind the camera, literally. You'll look back on the pictures and wish you were in them. It's something I've experienced and regret, but I can't break out of the habit completely, not yet. Pictures and informal notes: the tangible memories that your mind can't always retain for you.